Shame on me.

I have a confession to make. 

Tonight, in a moment of weakness (ok, several moments), I fell off the wagon. 

At the beginning of last week I determined that the only way for me to stay sane through the rest of this term was to focus on healthy living. Inspired by my Yogi tea bag, I was determined to "eat right, walk right, and talk to myself right" every day so that my stress level would be kept as low as humanly possible through boards, moving, and finals. 

And I've been pleasantly surprised by the results. Sure, sometimes I feel like one giant ball of anxiety, but for the most part I have been able to keep my head on straight and my blood pressure within normal limits. 

But tonight, I just couldn't take it. Having spent the whole day in class, I was not looking forward to another night spent at my desk. Especially because awaiting me on that desk was a fat stack of Biochemistry notes. I loathe Biochem, mostly because it doesn't come naturally to me, so the painstaking process of re-memorizing enzymes and pathways and vitamins (and God knows what other bits of trivia I'd managed to completely forget) filled me with a deep dread. 

Nonetheless, 7:30pm found me studying away dutifully, only pausing to grumble under my breath every few minutes. I could feel the mix of terror and rage building as I stared at pages of information that I should know but only vaguely remember, and began to mentally search for something, anything, to soothe my irritated psyche. That's when it hit me: 

Ben and Jerry's. 

My lofty goals and ambitious ideals forgotten instantly, I put down my highlighters and threw on a sweatshirt, braving the cold, damp Chicago air to Jewel-Osco. To my great delight, the pints of deliciousness were even on sale. The stars had aligned, and my fate was clear. I could do nothing but accept this as a divine sign... and so I bought two. One for Janna, one for me. 

Do I regret my decision? Not really. Do I feel guilty? Naturally. I was raised in the Christian Reformed Church. We specialize in feeling guilty. But it didn't stop me from enjoying the delicious scoop of half brownie, half cookie dough ice cream that made me feel that everything was right in the world, if only for a moment. It didn't stop me from enjoying the second scoop, either. And I'm sure that tomorrow night I will enjoy another scoop just as much.

Of course I'll be eating nothing but veggies for the next three days just to counteract the caloric content of my indulgence, but right now it seems worth the sacrifice.  

P.S. Those of you who know me will appreciate the irony of this statement, considering how much I hate gender stereotyping, but sometimes I'm such a girl.