Brook found this little guy's cousin in our trash can this evening. "Kaaaate!"
"Yeah, Brook?"
"There's a weird bug in the garbage can."
So I went over to have a look (along with Amanda, who happened to be visiting), and the creepy-crawly thing was clinging to the liner, flexing its spindly legs in waves as it tried to get out.
"What is it?" she asked, peering into the can as if it contained a severed human limb or something equally horrifying.
"It's a little alien." I said, examining it. "Or a centipede."
"Gross." she said, wiggling her shoulders in that strange way you do when you imagine something creepy scurrying up your back.
"Stand back. I'll be the man of this household and get rid of it." I said boldly, grabbing a paper towel. But as soon as I approached the bucket to bravely dispose of the little sucker, Brook threw in a nausea-inducing comment.
"Good. Because I hate that crunching feeling of killing bugs."
I swallowed hard, imagining how all those legs would flail and snap between my fingers. Suddenly I was not so keen on my original plan. Especially when I got closer and the insect looked up at me with those beady little eyes.
A chill shot up my spine, and I strategized an alternate plan of attack. Folding up the paper towel into a sturdy roll, I decided to flick it down into the bottom of the trash and simply bring the whole business outside to the bin. With Brook watching over my shoulder, I hesitantly moved to push the spindly bug off of its perch. But to my horror, instead of falling down, the creeper grabbed onto my paper-towel-flicker-thingy with several of its many legs.
I panicked.
Screeching, I dropped the whole thing like it was on fire (thankfully, into the bag), and slammed the cover down, dancing away from the trash can with accompanying hoots and hollers of mixed surprise and disgust. This caused a very similar reaction in Brook, who shrieked just as loudly as I, recommencing her previous "get it off! get it off!" motion, plus a few hops away from the trash for good measure.
After this moment of purely irrational behavior, we dissolved into hysterical laughter, and I moved back toward the garbage can to finish the job. Unfortunately, when I opened the lid I discovered that the multi-legged insect had begun to ascend the side once more. Knowing that I had to act quickly, I ripped the bag from the can, cinched up the opening, and sprinted out to the bin by our garage. I hurled the whole mess, bug and all, down into the big green can, and turned to cheer my victory.
It was at that moment that Brook's two dogs caught up with me.
I didn't get totally taken down by the ecstatic canines, but that's only due to the unusually large amount of adrenaline coursing thru my bloodstream, giving me momentarily-heightened reflexes. Winne and Jackson attacked me with excitement for a good 60 seconds before I could convince them that the ordeal was over, and I'd conquered the vile bug. All the while, Brook laughed from the safety of the kitchen.
Give me a moldy human head in a bucket any day. I can handle that. But creepy-crawly bugs with too many legs? No thanks.